Here I go blogging it out. I live alone so no can hug it out.
Ugh... I might be getting in trouble at work. I have never been a punctual person. I can be on time if the situation demanded it but in general, I tend to run on my own time, especially for going to work. When I'm running late in the morning, I can't seem to make myself move faster. It's almost like my mind is in defiance. Already late, what's the point of hurrying? I don't get it since I can wake up early for volleyball tournaments and yoga classes but not work. I do get my work done and I stay late too.
Since I've been trying to at least do jump rope and legs in the morning, I've become even tardier. Today, my manager intimated that the director has noticed (it's hard not to since I sit near the door) and might be on the verge of saying something. It is completely within her right to do so and I am totally at fault. I have no one but myself to blame but the pcp has definitely exacerbated the situation. I'm a contractor and our company is moving to a new building next year and they've been cleaning house lately. They've fired a bunch of staff. As a contractor with no benefits, I wouldn't even get severance or unemployment since they could just give me one month notice. And in this economy, it is a sucky time to be looking for a job. So glad I took out massive student loans for my graduate degree.
I hate being scared cause it brings out some ugliness. I get defensive and then offensive. I really don't like being negative or focusing on a person's bad qualities. It's totally useless and counterproductive. Normally with some effort, I can change my inner dialogue and the way I think but not these days. All my energy is spent staying the course (or trying to) on the pcp. I think I gotta switch back to evening workouts and accept that that's how it's going to be since I can't make myself get up early enough to do AM ones. Oh, and at the staff meeting this week, the D mentioned budget issues and not sure what it means for the new fiscal year. She was vague which makes it seem scarier as this year closes and my contract negotiation nears.
Side note, I think I'm going to need code names if I write about work related folks.
~HUG!!~ Wish I could come through the computer and give you a real one. I hear you on the massive student loans. Do what you need to do to make it work, Grace.
ReplyDeleteI feel you on the student loans too - my husband is a doctor and I have a masters so we spend a good part of our monthly income on paying back those loans. It sucks.
ReplyDeleteThis may be hard to see right now but you are taking a positive step and making an investment in your own health by doing the PCP. The economy is uncertain, your future may be uncertain, but you're doing something good for yourself that nobody can take away from you.
You know what works best for you, but I'm going to be daring and suggest getting up earlier to work out. This means you have to go to bed early (which I think is the hardest part) but it gives you an energy boost all day long and it's great to get it out of the way early.
I know you can get through this.
ah, work and financial pressures...no fun at all. not that it will solve any of that, but i second tara's suggestion of getting up earlier to work out. it will make you feel so productive and - most likely - help you shift your mindset. just set your alarm KNOWING that you WILL get up at that time, not giving yourself the option of deciding to sleep later.
ReplyDeleteOh noes! The first PCP created job loss!? Well, you're looking FABULOUS!
ReplyDeletethanks y'all! knowing I have your support helps a BUNCH. Gonna set my alarm knowing i have to get up. No snoozing for an hour. there i said it, now i have to do it. :P
ReplyDeleteNothing insirational to add, just that I've been late to work almost every day since pcp started and I don't even workout in the mornings, so at least it's partially from working out.
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