d90-post workout

done. d-d-d-one, d-d-d-done, done, done. la-la-la-la.

Did the workout during lunch. It didn't take much time and I'm stronger but there are still things that wind me. Per Patrick's instructions, I kept the diet until I finished the last workout. Now, I'm munching cookies (two) that a friend made as a belated birthday present. She left them at my desk this morning. No better way to celebrate! And it was a treat that's homemade, even if I didn't make it. :P It's weird to not have restrictions. I was admiring my breakfast and lunch and thinking how much I loved the food I got to know on the pcp. But I was really stoked to do the last dishes associated with the pcp. No more have-tos for awhile! Oh, except for final post and pics. well, ok, almost done.

p.s. a friend emailed me out of the blue and asked if i wanted to do p90x. HA! i told her to check out my pcp blog and pics.

d90 - HELLZ YEEAAAAAAAAAAH

ALL. FUCKING. DONE. You read right. I did the entire gruesome workout. Patrick wanted to make the last one a doozy. And that he did. Floor jumps on a pulsating left quad and all. I didn't think I was gonna get through it during the first triple exercise superset. Brain going "uh-oh, you're too tired. You're coughing up bloody phelgm. You can slack off." (Sorry if that was TMI.)

It's been said before but we probably put up way more psychological road blocks than actual physical ones exist. Had to tell the feeble brain to shut it. The best part came when I was getting my ID and the dude at the gym asked "Why do you need the assisted pull-up machine? You have more definition in your arms than I do." He might've been flirting with me but it's still nice to get that recognition. Endorphins + feeling strong = addiction I want forever. Will post pics of day 90 tomorrow. GOOOOOOOOOO Team BADASS!!!!!

d89 - nearly there but not quite

Don't rush us pcp web site! Team Badass still has 1.5 days left.  I got a congratulatory email from a friend who saw the site. She asked what I had learned and if any of it will stick. I'm not ready to answer that yet. I'm too busy having a pity party this morning. Everything hurts. My back, my arms, my leg, my throat. I feel like doo-doo. Throat swollen and coughing up nastiness. I suspect this was from being in the rain yesterday morning at the tournament w/o being properly attired. Team Badass, I'm not sure how I'm gonna make it through today's workout. It looks ridonkulous and my body appears to be on shutdown mode. I barely dragged self into work and I have no appetite. Obviously, I didn't jump rope this morning.  I don't want to finish the pcp with a whimper but whimpering is just about all I can manage right now. Did I mention that my left quad muscle involuntarily pulsates? It's really strange. I suspect it's cause that's the leg I favor when I land from hitting the ball. The weather in DC don't help either. It is grey, muggy and generally disgusting today. Oh how I heart this city.

d88 - WIPED. OUT.

Short post since eyes are closing quickly. Proud to say I did today's workout after the tournament. Did every fucking plank, v-sit AND 8min abs. Who's BADASS now?

I did skip jump rope since I had been jumping all damn day long on the court. That should suffice right Patrick? My partner and I made playoffs. We are a notoriously slow starting pair and every game (7 total) began with us in an 0-4, 0-5 or 0-6 hole to climb out of. We played old school rules where you have to serve to earn a point and we were not at all efficient about that. I did lots of sprints today chasing down balls as ball control was a bit lacking. All this to say that I am fucking tired. Back and legs are begging for mercy. Have earned my sleep fo sheeeze and gonna get on that now.

d87/88 - tired but heckuva day

Nothing like a monster victory by UCLA to inspire me to work my ass off during today's workout. Gawd, I loved that the Bruins put the hurt on No. 7 Texas. SWEETNESS. Legs, shoulders and abs put the hurt on me though. btw, having football on while jumping rope is perfect for the Mu Shin.

Did I mention I'm playing the last vball tournament of  the season tomorrow (today)? Thought about skipping the legs part to save self but then realized this is the last official pcp-leg workout so I sucked it up. I probably screwed myself for tomorrow but oh well. Gotta finish strong! I'll be curious to see how I manage the workout tomorrow after balling all day. I imagine there might be a lot of bawling moments in tomorrow's post.

d86 - thank goodness

This is a quick post to express my gratitude for the pcp. Today was a crapola work day. Luckily this did not carry over to the workout. Hooray for supersets? I know, sounds insane but a really intense, burning workout was what I needed. It made me feel BADASS and in control when other elements of my life are SUCKASS.

d85/T-5: grocery basket

I wish I could find the pic I took of a previous grocery basket pre-pcp. It had two cartons of breyer's mint choc chip ice cream (on sale!), cheddar jalapeno cheetoes, biscoff cookies, mint milanos, orangina, cheese and some veggies. I sent the pic to a friend who wrote back - "par for the course." If only he could see me now. I'm really proud of what was in the basket today but there is the fear that it'll end up looking like Grace foods from before. The total cost of the bill ($26.10)  amazed me since I used to spend double and have nothing to eat.

Unlike the other members of team BADASS who are pretty confident bout sticking to the diet part of the pcp, I'm not sure I'll be able to sustain it. Old habits die hard and I could see myself falling back into the old mindsets (1) as long as I eat veggies, I can have sugar or (2) I workout so I can eat what I want (true but not really since processed foods really fuck up your system). Plus, I like good food AND body-polluting stuff too. Not sure that will ever change.

Loads of my favorite snacks were on sale. I briefly considered getting them so I could pop em open on day 1 post-pcp. (Yes, already thinking about freedom after day 90 aka the-return-of-my-life.) I decided I couldn't handle the temptation during these last five days. Haley's right. Best not to have them in the cupboard for now. I actually cleaned mine out a few days ago when I was getting my monster pot down to make chicken stew. I found pb cups, super old, stale cherry m&ms, hichews, microwave popcorn, mint choc kitkats,  break-your-teeth-hard percy-pigs, and strawberry mentos. All of it in the garbage. Some I felt bad about but mostly it felt good to purge.

sarah and haley, just jump rope and 8 min abs alone releases endorphins and make me feel accomplished workout wise. I know we can all do 20 min a day. Plus, don't you find it addicting to feel strong? :P That being said, Sarah's right cause it's sooo hard to get going sometimes but I'm always glad I did. I'm sure it's the endorphins talking but who cares.

d84/T-6 random shiat

Funny text from my friend Sam: "I feel like you would know this: how do I strengthen my ass?" I'm flattered and pleased that I would be her go-to on this matter. :P

Speaking of butts, my jeans-the most expensive item of clothing I own- don't fit. This sucks. My friend peer pressured me into buying at the outlets in Switzerland cause I think it's obscene to spend that much on one thing yet I did. They have a mirror on the butt and fit me awesomely for two months five years ago. Since then I haven't been able to wear them comfortably EVER. They were a lay-down-in-bed, suck-it-in, hope-the-zipper-comes-up-before-gotta-breathe pair o pants, but damn they looked good.

I've probably worn them ten times in five years so I was really stoked to put them on last Saturday. They don't fit like they used to in the thighs and now they're so low cut they're obscene. I'm confused but not really. I dropped some weight in the beginning of grad school. It was rather unhealthy weight loss spurred by school stress, excessive drinking to cope w/stress and skipping of dinners. I'd like to pretend it was that I ate far fewer preservative-laden foods in Italy but I'm sure it was the alcohol. My boss said when you drop weight, you never lose it from the same place. I didn't believe her. She moded me.

A little worried about post-pcp life. Not worried about the exercise part but that damn diet will ALWAYS be a challenge. I loved my dinner last night. I went back to an old fave - arugula (rocket for you louise :P), tomato, tuna, cilantro salad with splash of olive oil and pour of balsamic. The problem is the stupid sweet tooth. I didn't have my usual yogurt w/cinnamon for dessert cause the tummy not feeling too spectacular so steering clear of milk products.

Oh gawd, I wanted cake or chocolate or anything sweet that wasn't fruit. Eating sugar leads to eating salt then more sugar then repeat. I know when winter rolls around, it's gonna be me parked on the couch and eating, watching tv, maybe w/a workout or two thrown in. 

I'm not confident that I've figured out a way to manage the sugar binges. Gonna try to only eat sugars on days that start w/"S" but Halloween, Thanksgiving and Christmas in an office and avoiding the parade of holiday treats will be difficult. Yesterday was international peace day and there was leftover cake from the celebration. I purposely didn't go to the party but my colleague came back with a huge platter of leftover slices and literally waved it under my nose. How I wish I had sneezed all over them. I really LOVE super sugary sheet cake with frosting.

I have a mini super soaker I squirt Micio with whenever he's bad. Scratching the furniture is one squirt. Biting me and drawing blood means a full on chase through my studio and multiple squirts until the hand gun is empty. I wish someone would do the same to me when a binge starts or I've exceeded the number of sugary things I can have in a day. Kim's comment about allowing yourself a treat but only if you make them sounds like a great idea. But not sure how feasible it is for someone lazy and lacking in discipline like moi. 

Am bitter that jump rope broke with only six days to go. Lost the little plastic bit that kept the handle connected to the rope so no chance of repair. Any recommendations for a new one? This one's gonna be a keeper and not plastic like the dead one. I'm thinking bout one of those nicer leather ones that whip through the air faster. 

homework

I checked out Gold's Gym today. I was doing "homework" but was also suckered by the sign outside that says workout for $5 a week. The deal is only good for students but by the time you find that out, you've already entered and can't just leave without talking to someone. There are two other gyms on my way home from work but no one else had the $5/week sign.

Gym was ok. I didn't like the schmoozy guy answering calls and scanning IDs. Lots of levels and machines. It was pretty packed with loads of people working out during the post-work rush. I wouldn't say people looked exceptionally unhappy but they didn't look like they were having a good time either. Certainly no one riding an air bike with toes pointed in, then out or arms flailing about. :P Sadly, no one commented about my physique. I'm going to attribute that to me being in work clothes and carrying a couple of grocery bags. Or it could be that the type-A folks in DC were too self involved to notice someone walking around juggling grocery bags.

Maybe it was the gym I chose or my level of fitness but the "membership adviser" didn't bullsh*t me and didn't spend a lot of time trying to talk me into anything. He was actually trying to get me that "student" deal and offered advice on how to get around the automatic deduction from my credit card. (I told him I was a commitment phobe and had been burned before when I had canceled memberships and it took months for the billing company to stop automatic deducting. All true.) He asked what other gyms I had checked out and I named a few in the area where I had bought a one month pass for cheap to pullups, chest dips, kung-fu situps, etc.

So no ego or energy boost. If I have time, I'll hit up another gym. Not sure these were the results you were looking for Patrick. Maybe I was too tired to feel smug that with my wee little jump rope and resistance band, I've gotten pretty darn good results compared to a gym full o machines.

day 80-82: indulgence report and more

I'd love to be able to say that eating fried chicken and waffles made me feel disgusting and bloated or that it was a gut bomb but it didn't/wasn't. Damn, fried chicken be good. And the pecan butter and syrup for the waffles tasted heavenly. Maybe my stomach is too used to crap so even though it has gone without for 79 days, the tummy didn't have the reaction I expected. Fried chicken used to be at least once every two weeks meal. Ditto McDonald's. Now, I've finally got it through my thick skull that it can only be a once-in-awhile meal cause I love my new pcp body too much to pollute it on a constant basis. 

Here's another pic that shows one of numerous pcp-related changes. (Cue Sheryl Crow's song - "A Change Would Do You Good"). My trash can at work used to tell a wonderful daily story. One of my managers once said she'd peek into it at the 

end of the day just to see what interesting stuff I had eaten. The rubbish used to be pretty colorful with 

assorted candy/cookie wrappers, empty cheddar jalapeno cheetoes bags,  breakfast sammiches and lunchtime eats, etc. Now, it's pretty sad but in a good way. Only an orange peel and an empty cup from Dunkin Donuts. 

Nothing else new to report. Still congested and sounding frog like but I feel well enough to be hardcore about my exercises. I think Sarah is insane for looking forward to supersets. But that's probably why her biceps are eye-popping and mine you have to squint to see. 

day 79 - Hellooooo breakthrough and indulgence!

It's been a rough couple of days. I haven't slept much. My cold might have morphed into awful allergies. Sore throat is gone but I had to sleep sitting up last night cause the congestion and sinus pressure were so bad. I'm proud to say that I did most of the workouts the last two days. Only skipped the shoulder fly after two sets when the resistance band flew from the door jam into my chest. Decided oh eff-it and lemme just go to situps already before I give up completely.

I had my performance review today. It wasn't bad. No actual substantive criticisms about my work. The thing that bothers me was that the things I need to work on are cosmetic and fixable - punctuality, no big shocker there. But I'm frustrated by how expendable I feel. Getting dinged for stuff that's not that important (at least in my mind) annoys me. Oh well. Gotta change the inner dialogue.

Here's the breakthough part: I spent some time venting to someone important in my life. He botched some meaningless details which snowballed into a bigger fight. His inability to remember reminds me of how irrelevant I am to him. It's not rational by any means but he always claims to forget stuff with everyone, which is mostly true. BUT, I have seen him retain info when it's important to him so there's a couple of HUGE holes in his argument. I wasn't setting him up for failure but some awful stuff happened to me a couple years ago that he SHOULD'VE remembered. I'm not talking bout naming a specific month or day and was crushed when he couldn't spit out a date within range (+/- 2 years is doable, c'mon it's not that hard!) of a significant event in my life.

After we hung up the phone, I had a very clear thought of a) I desperately want a drink and b) I need to eat something sugary. No dice on the prosecco cause opening the bottle means drinking the whole thing. The bottle in my fridge has a PCP finish tag on it. Considered eating a piece of chocolate. I still had half a bar left in cabinet from that awful binge last month. I had been saving to give it to a friend since she wanted to try 86% cacao. I reached the top shelf for it and then a voice popped into my head - "Giving into emotional eating is like saying that if I don't eat something to cope, I will be destroyed by that emotion." I REALLY HATE when emotions get the best of me or I feel I can't get a handle on how to deal. I also hate feeling like I'd be giving into the thing that many women get labeled with when they're upset - "Oh, you're just too emotional."

I decided I would be stronger than my feelings of anger/frustration/sadness. I'm not going to use food to cope. I think Tara either blogged or commented about it when I was bingeing? I made a clear, conscious decision to be bigger than a lame square of chocolate. I ate my evening apple instead and then my dinner.

Saturday is indulgence! I had this planned for ages. Ever since I saw Ted Allen name Art Smith's fried chicken as the BEST he EVER ATE, I had been dying to try it. Once I calculated that indulgence No. 3 would be near my birthday, I decided it was a fitting way to celebrate. They only serve fried chicken on the weekends so sorry Patrick, it didn't happen before day 80. I'll report back!

Have a great weekend y'all!

day 78 - an oldie but goodie

I feel wretched. Sore throat with huge lump making it difficult to swallow. I sat up in bed this morning and my nose immediately started leaking. AWESOME. I didn't hear my alarm this morning since phone was acting up so no AM workout. I have zero desire to exercise when I get home but we are T-12 days from finish. 

To borrow from Ilan, I had a "glitch" last night. Ate two peppermint patties. I was feeling pretty yucky and after eight cups of tea, I wanted comfort. Ugh.. I am going to try my darndest to make these next 12 days PPCPD. Every gram, every rep (or at least until I reach failure). So to reach for an oldie, but goodie - there I said it, now I have to do it. 

day 77 - not feeling so hawt

I don't think it's entirely coincidental that it's my first day back at work and I'm not feeling too peachy. I was a bit sneezy in the office and around 4pm, my throat got super scratchy. I didn't get enough sleep last night but I think being fairly hardcore during week ten might have taken its toll on the body. Thank goodness today is only jump rope. Was gonna go to yoga but now am skipping bikram to rest and grocery shop. Gotta LKR the bod.

Fellow females of Team BADASS, got a question for y'all. Last month, I had the P-M-S but no M. I figured it was stress but just realized that I'm beyond late and it's not cause I'm getting "busy". Anyone else missing the "M" cycle?

day 76 - finally making good

Every year on my burfday I try to pick one new skill to learn/hone by my next birthday. It could be a language, a sport, just anything that keeps me striving toward something and learning. It's amazing how complacent you can become after you finish school. Birthdays are a great way to take stock. My apartment is littered with remnants of previous skills that I did not develop: sign language for dummies book, boxing gloves for muay thai, mah jong set for all the parties I'd host. . .

Thanks to the pcp, I actually did master something new this year. I learned how to feed myself more healthfully and to treat my body with LKR (love, kindness and respect-thanks Jenny for the acronym!). Who knew I could go this long (mostly) without eating processed foods and not die? I always liked exercise but now I feel I'm getting the nutrition part down. It really doesn't take THAT much time to grocery shop and have fresh fruit and veggies in the house. No more excuses in that realm.

Side note: I deserve mad props for not emotional eating last night. My old bedroom is the only place that isn't a full-blown disaster. As I mentioned previously, mom is a hoarder. As I was packing I discovered a box of papers in my old bedroom with the words DISPOSE and 1998 on the side. That's funny, I don't keep crap. I opened it and found homework papers of a girl I had never heard of and a high school commencement program for a school I did not attend. WTF?!??! Keep in mind, Mom is a retired accountant, not a teacher so no earthly reason for old school work to exist in the house.

Me: Mom, who is Tracy Wang and why do you have her old high school papers?
Mom: Those belonged to the daughter of Nancy, an old tenant. They wanted to throw them out when they moved but I brought them home.
Me: You brought home old papers of total strangers? Our house doesn't have enough paper? Junk? Books?
Mom: I kept her homework in case I had time one day to look through it and learn.
Me: Are you joking? You're insane. Who brings home other people's garbage??!?!?! She flunked a test for C++, a computer language that you'll NEVER learn.
Mom: I didn't have time to go through everything. Don't monitor/control me. It's not your business.

I have sustained numerous scratches and other injuries in the week that I've been home simply cause there are no pathways in the house. Losing blood didn't send me over the edge but that damn box did. I was so close to chowing on the mini dark chocolate raspberry cake my stepdad got me for my birthday. He meant well but I've told him 1,000 times that I'm not eating crap for the rest of this month. Not that he remembers anything with the dementia he denies. Anyways, long story short - cake still in the fridge. They'll be eating it in honor of me. Happy Eff-ing Birthday grace.

day 72-73 - holy muscle burn Batman!

Is it possible to feel simultaneously like a badass and a wuss? I was doing my elevated pushups in a dance studio room of the YMCA and totally checking myself out in the floor-to-ceiling mirror. I looked/felt like GI Jane. Super hardcore Grace, grunting/breathing it out. And then failure hit in the third set at rep 5 or something equally wussy. I kinda face planted onto the floor and my reflection in the mirror, not pretty.

Workouts this PCP week have KILLED. Failure, as Patrick has informed us, is painful! But damn I feel good after. My whole upper body this morning felt blasted. I could barely lift my arms to wash my hair. A fit friend of mine did day 71 workout with me and he's still feeling it. Hee, hee, I feel a little smug just cause I'm mostly sore initially and then okay for the most part the next day. :P

Maybe it's because I'm on vacation in CA but the pcp components of life have been relatively easy/stress free. It's so good to workout with someone who can correct your form, offer assistance and push you further than what you perceive failure to be. Plus, I'm also grateful Patrick brought back the protein element of dinner while I'm in CA. Sushi here is soooo good and fresh. I had to shrug off the funny looks the chefs shot me when I weighed out the pieces of sashimi. But other than that, waiters/waitresses don't blink when I order steamed veggies with zero salt/butter/oil. I'm gonna guess that a lot of folks in LA are pretty diet conscious.

I have new pics that I'll post when I get back to DC. Apparently, I didn't travel with the camera-t0-computer chord. Sadly, these pics aren't at the beach like I planned. The beach was freezing. I dipped ONE toe in the ocean and squealed like a little girl from the cold. No bikini shots here.

The volleyball tournament in Boston went well. We got 2nd. We should have won. We were in the winner's bracket of the double elimination tournament. The other team had to win four games in a row to take the whole shebang and they did. I couldn't really gauge the pcp impact on my game since I didn't see as much court time as before.

I probably won't be posting again until I go back to the East Coast. Mom's computer connection and the general mayhem of the home (she's a hoarder and my stepdad might be dealing with the beginnings of dementia) limits the amount of time I have to sit down and write a coherent sentence.

p.s. Thanks for the concern y'all. And no, I'm not writing from the depths of an enormous vat of chocolate. I thought about it though after my mom, whom I saw in April when I was at my chunkiest, said she didn't really see a difference in me. This, from a woman who notices everything and feels it's her right/duty to comment. THANKS mom! She's 73 and still restricting her food intake. I sort of admire her self-control but when (if?) I get to that age, you can bet I won't be saying no to that additional bowl of noodles if I'm spending three hours at the gym everyday.

day 64 - a-ha?

This may be hard to believe but once upon a time, I didn't ALWAYS cope with stress by eating. In fact, sometimes I actually had zero appetite and would do other stuff like go for a run or pick up the phone and talk a friend's ear off. Emotional eating seems especially pronounced during the pcp. The more I'm told I can't have/do something, the more I go to the opposite extreme, often to my own detriment. 

A couple months ago, I had costochondritis - inflammation of a rib or the cartilage connecting a rib. It hurt to walk, sleep, everything. I thought I was developing some crazy heart condition related to stress. The doctor did a simple test, prescribed vicodin said no exercise for six weeks and no HOT yoga to get the swelling down. At the time, my friend Wendy and I had a bet going to keep each other accountable for healthier eating and exercise. She said that since I couldn't exercise, I had to reduce my calories. Oof. I was so miserable being immobile that even if I didn't want to eat junk, I did it anyway cause of that added restriction. I only get 1500 calories a day? Fine, I'll show you and eat the whole package of Chips Ahoy and all of its 1440 calories. It was a bad couple of weeks. 

It's not the same thing but food becomes the ONLY outlet when I can't do physical stuff. These days, between pcp exercises, bikram three times a week and volleyball on the weekends, I'm too spent to use a physical outlet to cope with stress. I was thinking about all this last night cause it really bothered me that I had become such a frequent binger. Some of this was triggered by seeing the new diets and noticing that more carbs were taken away. Obviously, I haven't progressed enough to have food added back in (or maybe Patrick is accounting for all the extra non-pcp compliant binging?) but I keep hoping.  

I'll be MIA for the weekend but will try to check back on Tuesday. Hopefully with good news to report. The tournament will be a good way to compare the effects of the pcp. In July, we were less than three weeks in. I'm hoping I'm stronger, faster, jumping higher, etc to retain my starting position the whole time. Wish me luck!